Everyone should come with a fine print

I wonder how much easier life would be if people didn’t think everything we are is all we ever were and all we’ll ever be. No one would condescend, no one would patronize, no one would put us on a pedestal we don’t deserve.

Imagine if people had fine prints like the ones you find in products that pretend to be healthy but are really full of preservatives; or in reasonably-priced deals and goods that end up costing more in the long run. Imagine if no one cared to spread bullshit and just let people know outright what they’re really like. If we’re not so scared to let others know who we really are, will we end up with the same set of friends we have now?

If I had a fine print, it would say: Introvert, observant, does not blend well with large groups of people, would rather spend quality time with one friend at a time. Painfully shy when meeting new people when sober; unbelievably chatty with strangers when drunk. Does not like to be forced to open up about life stories during first meetings (even in second and third). Loves to read books; does not judge those who don’t, but judges those who do with bad taste. Does not like theme parks. Hates the Ferris Wheel. Will never like peanut butter, olives and hugging publicly for more than two seconds. Likes people who are artsy and interesting and spontaneous and funny and a little bit of crazy. Allergic to clingy and insecure—especially to clingy and insecure men. Believes stupidity is not the lack of knowledge but pretending you have it when you don’t.

There. Too much? Maybe. How accepting could we be of one another and our fine prints? If we saw how fucked up everybody else is, just as we are but in different ways, would we end up with more friends or none at all? How would we see one another, then?

I’m really not sure but I’d like to find out. What would your fine print be?


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