Giving up the ones you love

I woke up today thinking, it’s going to be a busy day for me. Have a video to finish transcribing and two scripts to write. And I felt thankful because, despite my inner struggles, I could still distract myself with work. And I was thankful for a lot of work, considering.

But noon came and there was a commotion, and I don’t know how it started again but Gray and Marley got into another fight. My mother was yelling, we were trying to pull them apart, Boomer was joining in the fight, and we were panicking even more. We were on the verge of tears, the sound of the dogs crying totally heartbreaking. Then it happened. It lasted for a split second, and I know Gray didn’t mean it. One moment, I was trying to pry him away from Boomer, and the next moment I was grabbing my bleeding leg, my vision slightly blurring, and finding a chair nearby to sit.

He let me go in an instant, probably realizing that I wasn’t his enemy. He ran away to go after Boomer and I couldn’t do anything anymore. I just watched my mother and my brother try to stop the fight. Max came over to me and I grabbed his collar before he could even decide that he wants in on the war.

A few hours, a major loss of blood (I’m sure I’m exaggerating but it felt that way), and four stitches later, I’m alone here in my room and the three dogs involved in the fight are downstairs, tied to different corners of the house. Sometimes I hear Gray crying, probably because my mother left the room for a few minutes and he never wants to be left alone. Unfortunately, my parents have decided that we are going to give up Gray and Marley. They are just deciding to whom they should give the dogs. There was no second thought this time. There was no consideration needed because it happened before and we cannot bear to see them kill each other.

I’m lying on my bed, with my right leg propped up, and everything slowly starts to sink in. And I’m crying. Before I can help myself, I start to cry. I’m crying not because my entire right leg is throbbing from pain or because the bite marks are going to leave huge scars. I’m crying because I’m up in my room and I’m scared to go down near Gray and Marley. I’m crying because as much as we love both of them, we have to give them up for everyone’s sake, and that means we may never see them again. I’m crying because it’s our fault. I know it’s our fault.

And as much as my leg hurts right now (and believe me, it fucking does), the thought of giving them away trumps any form of physical pain I feel. And I’m realizing only now how truly, terribly heartbreaking it is to give up the ones you love.

Gray (left) and Marley (right)

Gray (left) and Marley (right)

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