Faking It

Because I don’t believe in absolutes, I measure my life in percentages. So today I could say that I am 70% content. I woke up only 15% disappointed and 15% almost-about-to-cry, but for the most part I was able to hold myself together and, in fact, did not cry.

I’ve learned that if I try hard enough, nothing could take over my life entirely–not grief, not disappointment, not sadness. After all, people who have lost loved ones will still laugh when a joke is really, really funny, and that is the best definition of hope for me.

So when he told me he was absolutely in love with her, I wondered what part of himself he sacrificed to make way for that one person. I imagine he has forgone fear–he must have, to be able to declare a love like that. When he told me, I felt 5% strong-enough-not-to-cry, 5% brave-enough-to-smile-at-him, but 90% faking it.


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