Song playing in the background: Aqueous Transmission by Incubus
Is it possible to feel everything in slow motion and sped up at the same time? I feel like that is exactly what is happening in my life right now. Maybe I still haven’t adjusted to everything. Maybe I never will.
There is this gnawing fear every time I face new people that a piece of me chips away. I do not crave it, but I know that I need to keep doing it, keep going up the stage. But there are days like this when I don’t seem to recognize myself anymore; when I think that there’s a possibility that I might not be real. That I am just an embodiment of other people’s regrets, heartaches, and disappointments rolled into a twenty-something body with a curious eye and messy, multi-colored hair. That my thoughts aren’t my own thoughts anymore, but other people’s doubts singing me to sleep.
So what do I do? I self-check. I disconnect. I commit social network suicide. Sometimes these work. But today, it’s not enough.