This

Last April 25, Words Anonymous celebrated its first anniversary. In one of our sets, we performed translated versions of one another’s poems. I translated Jihad Mambuay’s Kailan(gan), the first piece I’ve seen him perform during my first time at Sev’s, and one of my personal favorites.

It goes without saying that the original Tagalog version, which follows immediately after my translation, is much better.

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I can live without this
But I’d rather not;
I’d rather listen to your stories
And ask how you are
What you think of the world
And of other people’s words
That linger on your lips
I’d rather think that you are made of these bits
That I can bring with me, fill my pockets with
Until the next time we meet

I can live without this
But I’d rather not;
I’d rather spend time
Watching out for
And taking care of you
Make sure that you always
Have someone to sit next with
Even when you don’t ask for it
You see, time is nothing
And being tired is irrelevant
When put in the context
Of me and you

I can live without this
But I’d rather not;
I’d rather help you carry the weight
Of whatever is bothering you
When tears are on the verge
Of spilling your pain
My ears are ready, my shoulder steady
I’ll listen as you lean on me

Because I can live without this
But I’d rather not;
I’d rather make a fool of myself
Belting out a song and dance number
Embarrass myself by sharing silly stories
If it means seeing you laughing
(Even if it’s at me)
And being truly happy
(Even if it’s not because of me)

And I can live without thinking about all of this
But there are quiet moments
When I wish that you’d rather
Also want to take my stories with you
Walk with me when my boots are too heavy
Be my compass because I suck at navigating

I can live without this
But I really hope
That one day, you couldn’t
That you’d realize
How I was made for exactly this

How I can do more than stay

But for now, I can live with just this

[][][]

Kailan(gan)
Previously titled March 23
Jihad F. Mambuay

Hindi naman kailangan,
pero gusto ko
Pakinggan ang lahat ng iyong mga kwento
Kumusta yung araw mo,
mga opinyon mo sa mundo
Mga salitang nananatili sayo mula sa ibang tao
Gusto kong isiping mga maliliit silang parte mo
Na maaari kong baunin, sariwain
Hanggang sa susunod nating pagtatagpo

Hindi naman kailangan,
pero gusto ko
Na inaalalayan, inaalagaan ka
Sa araw-araw mong buhay
Batiin ka sa umaga, paghandaan
Tabihan ka tuwing ikaw ay nangangailangan
Wala sa akin ang pag-alay ng oras
At wala sa akin ang pag-alay ng pagod
Kung ikaw lang din ang aking babahagian

Hindi naman kailangan,
pero gusto ko
Na samahan ka tuwing ika’y nabibigatan
Hayaan mong makinig ako sa mga problema mo
Hahayaan kong sumandal ka kapag nangingilid na ang luha mo
Hayaan mong yakapin kita
Dahil hindi man ako ang nais mong hagkan
Baka sakaling sumapat muna ito
Para maibsan ang iyong nararamdaman

Hindi naman kailangan,
pero gusto ko
Na makita kang Masaya
Kung kailangan man kitang awitan,
sayawan,
kwentuhan
Gagawan ko,
gagawin ko
Dahil mahalaga sa akin ang kaligayahan mo

Hindi yata tama, pero minsan iniisip ko
Na sana balang araw maisip mo
Na gusto mo ring magbaon ng aking mga kwento
Alalayan ako kung kinakailangan
Tulungan ako pag nagbibigatan
Pag naliligaw, pagsabihan

Hindi naman kailangan,
pero sana maisip mo
na gusto mo ring suklian ang binibigay ko
Hindi naman sa pagbibilang,
sabik lang ako sa ideya na aalagaan mo rin ako
Pero sapat na muna sa ngayon
ang pagpayag mong manatili ako
Dito
Sasamahan kita
Hanggang sa masabi mo na
Na ako ang hinahanap mo

Theory of Relativity

Einstein’s special theory of relativity states that people follow their own time
And that each person’s time could either be slower or faster relative to your own

This explains why the bartender is taking too long to get my drink,
And it has only been 10 minutes

And why—when my best friend decided to call it quits—
It took her just under five minutes to tell me how much she will regret
Choosing him over our five-year friendship

And why my brother spent 32 years enjoying his life
Annoying me for hours on end with his lamest jokes
But didn’t grant me even one minute to really say goodbye

My brother, he didn’t warn me that time was moving faster for him
That he was squeezing into moments all the life that he could

The special theory of relativity tells us that each of us
Moves in our own pace, has our own clocks we follow

And the speed at which people come and go
Is actually neither fast nor slow;
Just look out at a busy street from a coffee shop window

People—they happen to us regardless of anyone’s version of Time
They disrupt our own timeline, shaking the reality through which we move like a snowglobe
But this is why we learn to synchronize

This is why it took my brother all 32 years of his life to stay in mine
My best friend gave me half a decade and maybe for her that was enough time
And the bartender is still taking too long, but I bet in another five minutes
He’s going to give me a perfect drink

—

Artwork by Jethro Lacson

Orbit

The next time someone asks who you are,
Tell them you are a planet
Because the word “planet” means “wanderer” in Greek

You are made of dreams and stardust,
Every bit of you—every bit in you—is meant to occupy the universe
And nothing about you is misguided–not passion, not sadness, not heartbreaks

Tell them your middle name is Why
That you were raised to ask questions
And to look at everything with wonder

And when people say that you are lost, tell them that you are not
That you are guided by a stronger force
Exploring your own orbit, and finding your rhythm

—

Artwork by Jethro Lacson

Flatline

Did you know that when someone has a heart attack, that part of his heart dies? It stops receiving oxygen, so it stops pumping blood. A part of the heart actually ceases to work and exists only as scar from then on. So people who’ve survived multiple heart attacks could honestly say that only 70% of their heart is working. But the rest of the heart continues to work, it does what it needs to do to survive. It keeps beating. It acts like it’s still whole.

I’ve never had a heart attack. But every time you cheated on me, it felt like I did. Maybe it’s the reason I couldn’t breathe every time you told another lie, another excuse, another one of your I’m-Sorrys that you stack in a cookie jar. I always thought I was strong enough to handle heartbreak, but I never considered whether my heart could endure it. Perhaps this is why after the nth time, I can’t take you back anymore. Not because I choose not to. But because my heart could only take so much before it completely gives up.

And now all I can hear is the long beep when my hope flatlined.

—

Artwork by Jethro Lacson